I left work early since I did a 13-hour day prior. I was throwing on some tunes before hitting the ride for my hour-long commute home when I came across a new, random playlist sitting on my Spotify page. It was something like “Christian car ride.” So I figured I’d give it a shot. I’m about halfway home when this song pops on. It’s called, “Meant to Live” by Switchfoot. hadn’t heard it in years. I used to listen to it when I was a kid and thinking about suicide. When I say kid, I mean like 12 years old or so. I used to play it because it always made me feel better. I’d just cry to it. I would feel like wave of hope rush over me. Hope I couldn’t find within myself. At the time, I had no idea Switchfoot was Christian. And I didn’t know that the feeling I would get was the Holy Spirit rushing over me and filling me with hope.
I would lay there with this song literally blasting in my ears crying, thinking there had to be more to life than darkness. I hoped that I would get to a point in life where I wasn’t surrounded by darkness. A point in life where I could feel something. And Switchfoot was just doing it for me. I used to lay in bed hoping that as an adult someday, I could look back on my life and think that I finally made it out of that darkness. One night listening to this song, the Lord gave me a vision. I didn’t see myself, but I saw my essence looking over me, and I heard the words, “we made it. Don’t give up. We were meant to live for so much more.”
When the song came on in the car, I was happy bawling my eyes out. I was singing my heart out and the tears were flowing and it was the ugliest cry I’ve ever done thus far in my life and it was amazing. I was remembering the vision and I just kept saying to myself that I made it. I didn’t make it because it was solely me doing the work and persevering. Jesus had to fight so hard for me. But He never gave up. He was there every step of the way even when I didn’t know Him.
Later in the day I did my first conference. It was a women’s conference, IF:gathering. The speaker was talking about how Jesus fed the 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He did so by breaking the bread and the fish and blessing them. Jesus blesses the broken pieces. And when we are broken, that is when we rely on our faith, we rely on Him and he builds our character through the brokenness. And He makes us whole. I went through most of my life feeling broken and useless and God has been blessing me with people in my life that make me feel so special and so important and so loved. He is loving me through them, and He is showing me through the Holy Spirit how He was with me through every experience I went through that broke me. He was blessing me. I made it because of Him. He has been working through me, fighting for me, and has been in the thick of everything with me my whole life. Even when I had no idea. I still go through challenges, and periods of brokenness. But with His grace and love, He lights my way in the darkness and He shows me through the Word how to walk. It’s not easy walking with Jesus, but man is it rewarding.
I never understood why or how people could be so emphatic about Jesus, until I became absolutely in love with Him. He is perfect. When you read the Gospel, the good news is that He gave us a road map on how to live our lives. And He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we may live with our Father in Heaven. When I think about the gravity of the cross, and the gravity of my testimony, and the years He had to fight for me and how hard He had to fight, and the depths He had to go to in order to pull me out…how could it not bring you to your knees? God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. If He can love me that much, I will do my absolute best to love Him the same way. And I will do my absolute best to show everyone the good news. Jesus blesses the broken pieces. Rejoice in the Lord, especially during the lows because that is when He is gearing you up for something good. You can’t fully enjoy the peak of the mountain without first seeing the low of the valley. It’s all the more sweeter at the top when you see how far you’ve come. Or rather, how far He’s brought you.
With light and love, Lyss
2/23/2023